ROSWELL– Government watchdog groups leaked information late Tuesday following Hopslam’s 1-4 loss to the Ice Men linking the team to a massive government cover-up involving “Environmental Specialist” Steve Gorham. Though the details have been obscured, it is clear that Gorham was seen in Roswell, New Mexico early Tuesday for reasons unclear.
Classified transcript obtained by anonymous sources indicate Gorham working with agents on an alleged cover story. Though much of the transcript was destroyed, a comment from Gorham clearly states “if you come up with something better that’s fine.”
“I’ve known the guy for a long time,” said a surprised Michael Leighton, a long-time friend. “We were in fourth grade together.”
Gorham’s absence from the game Tuesday has fueled speculation that Hopslam has been trying to jump start an anemic offense by locating missing teammate Matt Schaefer, heretofore their leading scorer. However, locating him has been particularly difficult, as federal agents refuse to acknowledge that he is even missing.
Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton recycled comments regarding the incident in Benghazi, by asking Hopslam fans, “What difference, at this point, does it make?”
Hopslam has lost two straight games, scoring only two goals. The team has also given up 8 goals in that same stretch, contrasted with the seven goals allowed in their four-game win streak.
“That’s the difference,” said GM Mark Woods.
What exactly Gorham’s role in all of this is has remained a mystery. Some have speculated that he has been part of the cover-up, while others believe he is working with team officials to find Schaefer. However, the U.S. government still maintains that he is there for “work.”