Author: ashleyadmin

Winowiecki Amygdala Completely Healed

ANN ARBOR– After intensive rehabilitation over the last year, forward Ricky Winowiecki has made “a full recovery,” as evidenced by his play in Ruination’s 4-3 semi-final win over Bull Schlitz Tuesday night. “We were all worried he wouldn’t be able…

Colwell on D1: ‘No Sutton Moves’

ANN ARBOR– Following Hopslam’s 2-4 loss to Puckings in their Quarterfinal match-up, league director Abe Colwell announced that forward Chris Sutton was “banned for life,” from the D1 league, citing a variety of allegations, including ankle-breaking, stealing, and clothes laundering. …

One Goal Wonder Tries, Fails

ANN ARBOR– Ever since defenseman Mark Woods vaulted into fame and fortune following his mid-season goal last Spring, “things have spiraled downward ever since,” according to the One Goal Wonder Watch Organization. “He didn’t score another goal the rest of…

Fans Outnumber Players For First Time

ANN ARBOR– Despite the 0-0 forfeit Ruination suffered in its opening game Thursday night, there were some notable positives, according to coach Don T. Hasskill. “I think this may have been the first time our fans outnumbered the players,” said…

Ruination Wins Tenth Championship

ANN ARBOR- Ashley’s Ruination secured its tenth championship Wednesday after beating the Depot Town Stags 5-1 and completing the 2-0 sweep. Scoring was spread evenly as forwards Tom Angers, Aaron Renberg, Nick Drabicki, Brian Lefevre, and Kyle Jennings each had…

Ruination Top Topes, Manufacture Win

ANN ARBOR– Known throughout the league as the Manufacturing Line, forwards Chris Sutton, Andrew Thompson, and Brian Lefevre dominated play Tuesday night as Ashley’s Ruination topped Ice-o-topes C 6-3. “It feels great to be so productive offensively,” noted Thompson. “We’re…

What a Deal – Lopez Found!

LOS ANGELES– Forward Shawn Lopez, former Ashley’s Ruination star who disappeared under mysterious circumstances, has allegedly resurfaced eighteen months after a nationwide search was called off. Though officials have not entirely confirmed his identity, fans have been buzzing. “It’s him!…