ANN ARBOR– Not since the Wizard of Oz himself handed a heart to the Tin Man has a higher honor been bestowed than early Monday morning as Hopslam finished their on-ice drills following its Saturday night win over the Cleveland…
League Proposes ‘No Tuck’ Rule
ANN ARBOR– Following Ruination’s 11-3 victory over the Ice-o-topes Saturday, league officials announced a proposed rule change generally known as the “no tuck” rule. “This is an outrage,” said players and fans regarding the announcement. Calling the rule “potentially sexist,”…
Ashley’s Weekend Preview
Ashley’s Hockey has a full compliment of games this weekend. Among the more exciting storylines to follow will include: Hopslam— The Hopslammers take on the Cleveland Steamers while asking: “What kind of crap is this?” Ruination— The Ghost of Hockey…
Millennial Sports Writer Canned
ANN ARBOR– Ashley’s sports reporter Asher Moore was reportedly fired from the Ashleys News Network’s sports division late Wednesday follow what editors have called an “inability to describe” following Aventinus’ 7-6 win over Mott FK. “It’s almost as if he…
Woods Opts Out of Ashley’s Team Building Event
ANN ARBOR– Stating that the Ashley’s team-building event “smacks of too much effort,” defenseman Mark Woods opted out of the Ashley’s Annual Family Fun & River Tubing set for Saturday afternoon. “It’s great fun for everyone, and really teaches you…
Ricky Steamboats Dragons and All That Jazz
ANN ARBOR– Forward Ricky Winowiecki scored the go-ahead goal with just minutes left as Ashley’s Ruination defeated the Dragons 4-3 Tuesday night. The goal was especially satisfying for Winowowiecki, who overcame a 10-minute misconduct and a hostile home crowd to score the…