ANN ARBOR– Hopslam fell to what sources are calling “some” Bull Schlitz in their 2-7 loss Tuesday night. However, news wires were having trouble picking up the actual score when field correspondent Matt Okray provided a cryptic assessment of the…
President Sleeps Through Ruination Tie
ANN ARBOR– Amidst a grueling travel schedule, President Joe Biden was caught dozing during Ruination’s 3-3 tie Tuesday evening with Bull Schlitz. “C’mon, man,” entreated the president. “I was at the COP26 just the other day, they have me coming…
Pocket-Sized Ricky Real Hit with the Ladies
ANN ARBOR– It’s well-documented that people tend to shrink a bit with age, but few (besides Lily Tomlin) have achieved what seems the impossible: shrinking down to mere inches. Philanthropist and defensive player Ricky Winowiecki has achieved just that. “I’m…
WidowMaker Trash Talk Not Effective
ANN ARBOR– Despite the trash talk by Widowmaker players Friday night, the team failed to intimate the Jurassic Puck players, who went on to beat Widowmaker 2-1. “We tried to add a little intimidation to give us an edge,” said…
Stags Consider Name Change Following Hopslam Loss
ANN ARBOR– Stags HC president, D. Hunter, expressed frustration following a 0-5 loss to Hopslam, who easily defeated them despite being short-handed. We’re 2-5 and I feel like we’re just not going anywhere,’ he said. “Back in the old days,…
Ruination Loss: No One to Blame But Everyone Who Didn’t Show Up
ANN ARBOR– Vice President and Director of Operations Chris Sutton waxed philosophical late Saturday evening when asked about Ruination’s 0-6 loss to the 3-5 Dragons. “We all gave a great effort, but it just wasn’t enough. You really can’t blame…