ANN ARBOR– Following an on-ice incident of “indecency of a prurient nature” displayed by an unnamed member of the Ypsi Aces, former Vice-president and 2020 Democratic hopeful Joe Biden announced that Hopslam’s Heather Mannix will receive a “Medal of Honor…
Debate Over “Wolf v Woof” Food Intensifies
ANN ARBOR– In the wake of their 1-1 tie Tuesday night with the Yaks, Hopslam found themselves in the midst of a heated debate over a number of items, including which ref was worse, which Yak player was said “no…
Aventinus Agree to Trial Separation, “See Other Teams”
ANN ARBOR–Aventinus, with some teammates playing together for at least the last twenty years, have agreed to a trial separation for the Summer season to “see how it goes,” according to sources Tuesday. “We’ve had a lot of ups and…
Winowiecki Website Guarantees Weight Loss
ANN ARBOR– Amid the myriad weight loss fad diets, netrepreneur and sometimes goalie (and sometimes winger) Ricky Winowiecki has entered into the $68 billion dollar industry with a new website featuring his new “Ocular-based suppression” method of weight cessation. “Basically,…
Aging Defenseman, Team Celebrates Goal by Going Home, Doing Dishes
REDFORD– Following his goal in Ruination’s 5-1 win over the Dragons Saturday night, defenseman Mark Woods celebrated by driving home to “finish the dishes” left behind from a hastily made meal. “It was lasagna, and you don’t want that sitting…
Former Hopslammer Ready for Grudge Match with Russian Boxer
BOZEMAN– Former Hopslam Winger Zeb Bruckman has recently completed his training in preparation for his highly anticpated “grudge match” with Russian Boxer Ivan Ivanovich Draagonovski set for March 12. Using nothing more than heavy rocks, an old ox cart, and…