ANN ARBOR– Helpless to defend himself because of a head cold and a lack of editorial decision-making power at the Ashley’s News desk, winger Mark Johnston was unfairly blamed for the 1-3 loss to Goon Squad 2 Sunday. “If was here, we might not have won,” began GM Mark Woods, “but since he’s not here, we’ll just go ahead and say it was his fault.”
Artist rendition of Johnston prior to the Aventinus loss Sunday night
The team was only able to muster one goal by Scott Bray from Nate Greenman and Daryl Coleman. Assessing the damage, Coleman matter-of-factly stated that the team needed a “game-changer.” And, though center Jeff Meden and Nate Greenman have been listed as the franchise players, players and managers alike recognize Johnston as the “playmaker’s playmaker.”
“Remember that game he scored two goals?” asked beer league enthusiast Henry Timewaster. “You could tell just by the look in his eyes that he could do that any game he wanted.”
Johnston has missed the last two games, first for an undisclosed “upper body” soreness, the second for a “nice head cold.” The convenience of his absence led to quickly assigning blame for the loss. “You know how the old saying goes: miss a game, take the blame,” said Woods.
Johnston could not be reached for comment due to budgetary constraints and a lack of desire to get the story straight.
“That should teach him not to miss games for legitimate reasons,” said Woods.
Added Woods: “Being sick… as if!”