New Rule Confounds Oberon, DiCenso

ANN ARBOR– The latest rule changes from the front office in Toronto makes it possible for referees to administer a “pay-per-punch” series of penalties to suit the situation, according to league officials early March. These changes were immediately seen Saturday as Justin DiCenso became the first person in the history of hockey to receive four penalties for one play in Oberon’s 5-3 win over Thompson’s Pizza.

“I gave him a minor for roughing here,” said referee Thomas Mitchell (best known for his role as Uncle Billy in It’s a Wonderful Life), “then one over here. And he punched that guy twice, so there’s two minors there.”

Sports analyst Jack “Ed” Stats noted that he had heard of more minors in one place since Michael Jackson used to host sleepovers. “Too soon? Too late?” he asked.

Despite the 12 minutes served in the box and the ejection from the game, Oberon fought back from a 1-3 deficit with timely goals from Zeb Breuckman, John Vella, Matt Okray, Andrew Thompson, and Nate Greenman. Shawn Lopez and Mark Woods each added three assists.

DiCenso’s bad luck continued, as he received a speeding ticket, parking ticket, jury duty notice, and a student loan bill all at the same time when he was pulled over by a local police officer just outside of the rink.