ANN ARBOR–Jubilation quietly filled the locker as Ashley’s Ruination won its fifth championship in six seasons, holding off defending champions Goon Squad 8-6 in an otherwise thrilling game.
Falling behind 1-2 in the first period, Sean McGrath tied it up early in the second, only to lose the lead again as Adam Skiff scored his second goal for Goon Squad.
Two quick goals late in the period from Jason Spence and Joel Benton gave Ashley’s the lead. That was followed by three more goals from boys in red (Phil Schiller, Paul Sholtis, and Matt Schaefer).
Goon Squad did not give up easily, scoring two more goals to pull within one with six minutes left to play. However, McGrath added an insurance goal with just under three minutes to secure the win.
“Yeah!” exclaimed an excited defenseman Mark Woods. “Who’s up for going to Ashley’s Pub?”
“Not me,” said forward Devin Collingridge, who assisted on Schaefer’s short-handed game-winning goal. “I’m beat.”
Other team members also expressed fatigue and a need to “get to work tomorrow.”
“We’re so old,” laughed defenseman Anthony Ciatti (assist).
“I was at a golf outing this past weekend for work,” explained a visibly tired but happy Nathan Greenman, (2 assists).
“Let’s go Saturday,” suggested Spence (goal, assist). Teammates agreed that the trophy should be brought to the bar.
“You can so totally get laid with that trophy,” stated Collingridge.
The statement, while technically correct, is only redeemable at the local VFW Hall in Redford, Michigan, where former USO performer “Handy” Mandy Bittinger, 85, finds “that sorta thing impressive.”
“Come and see me sometime, sailor,” says Bittinger in a Mae West misquote from some old movie that only old people know.
The team finished its celebration with a few more pictures of the trophy, firm handshakes, and a sensible bedtime.
(Note: Characters mentioned resembling any persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Ashley’s Hockey Network supports our troops, veterans, and the United Services Organization. This article should not be read as an endorsement for drunken celebrations that go late into the night, though those have been fun in years past. Please drink responsibly. Member FDIC (not really).)