ANN ARBOR–Following Ruination’s 1-8 loss to Labatt Blue Thursday night, several inspired players made a bid to the front office to move the team up into the B-league by 2014. “We can compete with those guys,” said a confident Sean Payeur.
Some members of the team expressed hesitance. “I’d have to up my game a bit,” said forward Jon Roklen.
“I don’t have the talent,” added a stoic Al Juback.
Despite some doubts, the team was generally receptive to the idea. “I played against some of these guys in high school,” said Payeur. “We can totally hang with them. We just need to add a few players.”
For the summer season, Ruination is 0-3 against B-league teams, getting outscored 5-27 in those games. Still, the team seemed quite confident a move to B-league would prove successful. “I’m telling ya,” said Payeur. “We should go into the B-League.”
GM Mark Woods stayed behind once the players left the stage, and delivered perhaps the most famous soliloquy in all of Shakespeare: the timeless “To B or Not to B-League” speech. The anguish and self-reflection were clearly written on his face as he mused in an inexplicably booming, vaguely British accent:
“To B, or not to B-league–that is the question: Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune– that is, losing a lot in the B-league–
Or to take arms and skates and hockey sticks against a sea of troubles, i.e. those douchebags in B-league,
And by opposing… end them.
To die, to skate–To sleep–perchance to dream: Ruination– B-League champions…?
Ay, there’s the rub, for in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off these smelly shoulder pads and gloves, must give us pause.”
Woods continued the soliloquy, but the language was confusing and boring, so no one really paid attention. Despite his crisis of soul, the rest of the team remained upbeat. “We can totally do it,” said Payeur.