PYONGYANG–“Hard work from honest hands makes our country great, our spirit full,” official reports from Pyong Yang’s propaganda mill stated following Ruination’s 4-8 loss to the Ypsi Aces in Monday’s semi-final match-up.
“We have proven our valor and superior fighting spirit,” reports from the reclusive country stated in reference to Ruination’s quick 2-0 lead to start the game. The Aces would score the next three before Nathan Greenman tied it up late in the first. However, Ace Michael Caruso would retake the lead with just 0:17 seconds left in the period.
Ruination kept it within two goals after the second period, but could not mount a successful offensive, managing only four goals for the game. “Goals are never in vain so long as they serve our greater purpose, as we have proven in the face of the enemy,” blared the official statement.
“The Ypsi Aces have utterly failed,” the statement continued despite the obvious evidence to the contrary.
Dennis Rodman, former NBA star, has reportedly painted his hair red and yellow in a show of support for the team, or perhaps the country, proving that while he has rhythm, he’s got no Seoul.