LIVONIA–After 444 tense minutes, Ashley’s Hopslam was able to successfully negotiate the release of skates belonging to Michael Leighton and Bob Brock, just hours before their scheduled game with the Ice Men Saturday night.
“Thanks to Jeff (Price), we were able to secure the release of the skates,” said GM Mark Woods, speaking of the events with a noted sigh of relief. “Score another win for the good guys.”
The release follows several hours of intense talks between Ashley’s officials and noted hockey terrorist group, the Witt Family, headed by the so-called spiritual leader of Livonia, Gary Witt. The skates were initially received as part of a Good Will Sharpening tour between the two regions (Ann Arbor and Livonia), but just hours before the game, Hopslam officials received a threatening message from Witt, stating simply that “Mike and Bob might not have their skates,” implying a hostage situation.
“The Livonian leader (Witt) demanded a roster spot for tonight’s game, and implied that our Cantonese correspondent (Scott Coates) had been paid off in wine and women,” noted Woods. “That’s when I had to send in my top men.”
Recalled into active duty following several seasons in retirement, Price (code named 005) sprung into action, strategically moving behind enemy lines to procure the skates in what officials have dubbed “Operation Desert Half Shield-Storm Argo or Some Such.” Details of the rescue mission have been classified, though officials charged with naming operations were promptly fired for not coming up with something more succinct and “cool.”
The skates were returned safely, though Hopslam was not able to capitalize, losing 1-3 to the Ice Men.