ANN ARBOR– The city is no stranger to any series of homeless vagrants panhandling for change in order to procure a bottle of spirits to get them through the night. But, what happens when instead of receiving change, they are recruited to play… hockey?
“That’s right,” noted GM Mark Woods. “Thanks to the Michigan game being much closer than need be, half the team decided not to show up for the game.”
“We saw a bunch of drunk guys lying in there and told them to suit up.”
The drunken recruits were later revealed to be Hopslam skaters Mike Leighton, Scott Coates, and Brent Tomayko, found in a drunken stupor on park benches following their devastating loss to the Ice-o-topes just hours earlier. “I thought about putting my beer in the water bottle,” said Leighton following the game. “But I figured the refs wouldn’t go for that.”
The experiment proved ineffective as Ruination dropped its first game of the season 0-4. “At least they were there for us,” said Woods. “Except for when Brent had to leave to go pee.”
Added Woods: “That’s what happens when you break the seal.”
Michigan defeated U-Conn 24-21, much to the chagrin of State fan Coates. More drinks and low-spirits were on hand following the games.