ANN ARBOR–Controversy swirls amid the Ann Arbor Ice Cube following Hopslam’s 3-7 loss Tuesday night to Gates Maidens & Men when it was apparent that there were no “maidens” on the roster. “The goalie is the ugly chick, right?” asked Ricky Winowiecki in reference to Gates goalie Charlie Huber, who recently squared off against Ashley’s Ruination.
The long hair notwithstanding, Huber is in fact among the “men” playing for Gates. Despite goals from Mike Leighton, Mark Woods, and Don Restauri, Gates Men & More Men proved too much, gathering three goals from David Ludkin, two from Tony Landon, and one each from Joe Horgea and Brian Wilson, who famously remained bed-ridden for nearly two years following the release of the Beatles Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band album in the late 1960s.
Wilson has also admitted to lying in bed for two hours at a time following his “wake up and go to work” alarm (a rooster crow on his iPhone alarm app), reportedly around 630am.
Gates Maidens(?) & Men at post-game interview (Brian Wilson far right)
“This loss would never have happened if this team was stocked with the requisite maidens, as in days of yore,” said GM Mark Woods. “Forsooth, I see men, but no maidens! Tis’ an outrage that must not go unpunished!”
An appeal has been sent to the Beer League Headquarters in a little place called Kokomo (presumably in Indiana).
Added Woods: “When Mark (Woods, defenseman) is scoring goals, that’s some bull (bleep)!”
“It IS bull (bleep)!” Leighton agreed. “And you can quote me on that!”