VANCOUVER– Following the Whitecaps’ devastating 0-1 loss to Real Salt Lake Saturday night, a sports poll released revealed that Major League Soccer enjoyed “slightly” greater popularity than Beer League Hockey. “Who?” asked local owl, Phineas J. Hootsalot.
The poll revealed that about five people more knew that Devon Sandoval scored in the ninth minute of the Vancover game than forward Jon Molnar’s 2 goal, 2 assist night for Ashley’s Ruination in their 7-4 win over newly formed franchise, the Oilers. Fewer were able to note which team Sandoval plays for.
Vancouver Whitecaps captain Jay DeMerit bummed that his athletic skill seen by nearly no one.
“We’re doing everything we can to market our product,” said GM Mark Woods. “We’ve had limited success with our ‘bring your spouse or girlfriend or both for free’ campaign, but that’s the kind of out of the box thinking we need.”
“That said, we’re only down about 10% in ticket sales versus Major League Soccer, so that’s not too shabby,” added Woods.
Defenseman Sean Payeur (assist) offered to bring a date to the game, but admitted a “major drought” of late, prompting others to suggest he visit MissMichigan.org.
Added goals from John Vella, Joel Benton, Dexter Benda, Matt Schaefer, and newcomer Alex Mahvi certainly will help to promote the league, but no other strategy will prove more helpful than the return of winger David “Doc” Winn, who has a notable following (known informally as the “Physics 140 class”) measuring in the hundreds who come each week to his regular speaking engagements. “Now that Dave is back,” said Woods, “We can look forward to a Quantum Leap in popularity.”
Added Woods: “Or at least we’ll have someone who will set the forward lines.”