ANN ARBOR– Ashley’s Aventinus dismantled Goon Squad 5-2 Sunday night and found a visitor awaiting them in the locker room– Jedi master and delicious mini-keg Oberon Kenobi.
Tapping into his wisdom and 5.8% alcohol by volume, the team savored the victory over the “dark side” of the Force– sometimes known as “Goon Squad,” oft times known as “a powerful thirst following any hockey game.”
Oberon, the product of Beer-master Yoda’s training, is “Bell’s signature house ale yeast, mixing a spicy hop character with mildly fruity aromas,” according to BellsBeer.com. “For 800 years ‘training Jedis’ have I, yes,” claimed Yoda.
While Wiki Answers confirms the claim, it seems unlikely given the beer’s six month shelf life.
When forwards Jeff Meden (2 goals, assist), Scott Bray (2 goals, assist), and Nate Greenman (goal, assist) found Labatt Blue Lights in the cooler, Oberon Kenobi calmly went into action. “These aren’t the drafts you’re looking for,” said Kenobi with a slight wave of his hand.
“Move along,” ordered Kenobi.
As the drinks continued to pour, Meden revealed that he had surgery on his wrist following an altercation with his father. He wriggled his fingers several times to show that the wrist had fully healed, though a slight mechanical noise could be heard.
Sources noted that the Star Wars trilogy was awesome, and that the so-called Episodes I, II, and III “totally sucked.” However, this should not diminish from the original set of movies, sources added.