WASHINGTON– The U.S. government shutdown of several departments and agencies Tuesday morning proved to be a precursor to Rusty “Obama Booey” Barron’s 5-0 shutdown of Thompson’s Pizza as Ashley’s Ruination moves to a franchise best 5-1 start.
“There’s a lot of people in Chelsea tonight who will have to go without pizza,” said GM Mark Woods.
The shutdown has caused tremendous concern not only in the local community, but nationally. “This is an unnecessary blow to America,” Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) said on the Senate floor as the shutdown began to take effect.
Sen. Harry Reid (left) noting “cheese” as his favorite topping while House Speaker John Boehner (right) looks on incredulously, having claimed bacon as the “absolute best, hands down.”
Reid has been reportedly known to “throw him down some ‘za” according to sources close to the senator.
House Speaker John Boehner (R-Oh.) left the Capitol around 1am upon hearing news of Barron’s shutdown, allegedly headed for Thompson’s Pizzeria located at 20700 W.Old US Highway 12 in Chelsea, MI. While Republicans and Democrats can’t seem to agree on much politically, they can agree that shutting down the pizzeria clearly needs to be resolved.
“It’s really up to the Senate,” said House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-Va.).
House Representatives have expressed exasperation with Senate leaders regarding the fate of Thompson’s Pizza with some blaming goals from wingers Shawn Lopez (2), Brian LeFevre, Ricky Winowiecki, and defenseman Jordan Swift. Others however, blame the assists from Dexter Benda (2), Sean McGrath, Joel Benton, Brett Vogel, and Matt Schaefer.
Reid noted that Barron’s shutdown of Thompson’s was a deliberate act of sabotage, saying Barron is “fixated on embarrassing our president,” who recently introduced a “pizza vouchers” plan for students, known informally as the “No Toppings Left Behind” program.