ANN ARBOR–The goals continue to rise as Ashley’s Ruination enjoyed a 10-4 victory over the Oilers to push their record to 7-1, but economists’ fears of a recession have only intensified. The so-called “debt ceiling” has officials worried that Ruination may be too quickly approaching it, which could trigger a move that may leave the team “B-leaguered.”
C-League managers wave “good-bye” to Ruination in anticipation of getting bumped up to the B-League as team approaches the “goal-bal debt ceiling”
“Remember that things seemed great right up until 2008,” said Fed Chairman and C-League hockey fan Ben Bernanke, referring to an implosion that began following Ruination’s championship in 2006, when the team was part of a D2 League. Goal production soon waned in the D1 league as players made demands that officials “do something” to jump start scoring.
Enjoying unprecedented success over the last two years, including five championships and a surplus of goals, team members are experiencing what former Fed chairman Alan Greenspan coined “irrational exuberance.” Calls for austerity have been laughed off for the most part, as even goaltenders have been getting into the scoring act. “(Shawn) Lopez has three,” said Anthony Ciatti. “And I’m sitting on two.”
However, economic indicators suggest trouble may be on the horizon as more skaters have been receiving assistance. Matt Schaefer (goal, 5 assists) and Brian Lefevere (2 goals, 4 assists) are but two examples of skaters who have more assists than goals. “We’re in danger of a welfare state of affairs,” said GM Mark Woods.
With the added assists and off-the-chart goal scoring, League Director Abe Colwell may consider moving the team to the B2-League, which would set off another goal-bal recession. In fact, the team suffered a small recession over the summer, facing several B teams, scoring only 13 goals in six games including a 4-8 playoff loss to the Ypsi Aces.
On a somewhat related note, Woods stated that he was looking forward to Janet Yellen’s nomination as Fed chairwoman, so he can ask “what the Yellen’s all about?” in the coming years following any and every economic event.