ANN ARBOR– Columbus Day is usually a time of pageantry and revelry as Americans celebrate the discovery of Ohio. However, the celebration was somewhat marred by Ruination’s loss to Black Ops 1-5 Saturday night. “I don’t even feel like celebrating,” said defenseman Mark Woods. “I’ll probably just go to work and… I don’t know… work, I guess.”
Creepy photo of Black Ops Cody Shaw celebrating his third goal against Ruination
The game was seemingly in hand when winger Jon Molnar tied up the game early in the second period. In fact, the team seemed poised for its now customary “takeover” of games– not unlike how Europeans took over the Americas following Columbus’s discovery– when Molnar beat the Ops goalie to a loose puck and had an open net ahead. His shot, however, rung off the post.
“The tolling of the iron bell,” lamented Roger Waters of Pink Floyd.
However, the shot rebounded to winger Ricky Winowiecki, who opted to attempt to stick a very difficult side aerial with a double back in tuck landing. Molnar was able to retrieve the puck only to foolishly pass it to Woods, who attempted to catch the pass with his skate pointed at a 45 degree angle.
The 2013 Nobel prize winning economists Eugene F. Fama, Lars Peter Hansen, and Robert J. Shiller all agreed that Woods’ calculations were “off the mark,” and would “most likely put a damper on Columbus Day parties” planned in the Greater Ann Arbor area.
While the celebration and ceremony will continue officially, sources say it will “pretty much feel like any other Monday.”