ANN ARBOR– Teammates expressed concern following Sunday’s 1-1 tie between Aventinus and North Coast that defenseman Ron Coleman has begun “blurring the lines between fiction and reality.”
“The trouble really started when Ron thought it would be a good idea to start a side business a couple of seasons ago,” noted GM Mark Woods. “He took the season off, then returned a new man. Unfortunately this had some unintended consequences.”
Coleman speaking with his agent during the post-game interview, claiming a victory despite the 1-1 tie with North Coast
Coleman’s activities led to a league-wide perception of him as the so-called “badass of D-league Tier 2 hockey,” a title coveted by most Hollywood actors and even Fortune 500 CEOs. “He gained a little confidence, started mixing it up a little more, and things just have started unraveling from there.”
Indeed, ever since gaining attention from the league offices, Coleman, who has consistently laughed away the allegations of being a “dirty” player with cryptic comments like “So Suh me,” and “cool Gatorade beats Laimbeer.” However, his on ice actions suggest a change occurring.
In Sunday’s game, Coleman received two penalties (roughing, tripping) to double his total to 12 minutes, placing him among the team leaders in penalties.
“It’s like he’s buying into the hype,” said the team’s GM. “He’s becoming a fictional character trying to be real. Or maybe he’s a real character trying to be a fictional person.”
Though it was not confirmed, a statement from the Coleman camp was released early Monday: “I have spent my whole life scared, frightened of things that could happen, might happen, might not happen, 50-years I spent like that.”
“But you know what?” the statement continued. “What I came to realize is that fear– that’s the worst of it. That’s the real enemy. So, get up, get out in the real world and you kick that bastard as hard you can right in the teeth.”