NORTHVILLE– In a move that can only be made by when the weather outside is frightful, Mother Nature boldly chose to bench defenseman Mark Woods in Saturday’s 5-4 win over the Black Bears, giving Ashley’s Ruination a 1-0 lead in the finals series.
Woods (left) laments snowstorm and benching with good friend, Linus Torvalds (right), developer of the Linux operating system.
“I thought, hey, let it snow,” said Mother Nature. “Let it snow. Let it snow.”
Despite the snow, Woods still attempted to make it to the game. However, Mother Nature, having been fooled in the 1970s over Chiffon Margarine, noting that the incident was “not nice,”was more than prepared. “What’s eight to twelve inches, white, and gets harder as it gets colder?” asked Mother Nature.
“Snow, you filthy perverts,” added Mother Nature.
“I got to about the Farmington Road exit on I-96 before I decided Camaros and snowstorms just don’t mix,” said Woods. “Though I think it was the four SUVs roaring past me that finalized my decision.”
Woods went on to grouse about the fact that “four-wheel drive doesn’t absolve you from the laws of physics,” but was notably calmer upon ordering a hot Venti Mocha from Barnes & Noble’s Cafe, which proudly serves Starbucks brand coffee.
“Yum,” added Woods.
Ruination faces the Black Bears tonight for game 2 at 10pm at the Varsity Rink.