ANN ARBOR– When the league’s best goalie didn’t arrive for the game, players and fans grew concerned. “Huh,” said an oddly reflective Luke Bell upon hearing the “news” that Jeff Phillion had been involved in an accident riding along with “Seinfeld” star Wayne Knight en route to the game. Knight, via Twitter, announced that he was, in fact, “alive and well.”
Wayne Knight and Jeff Phillion recovering nicely after weekend Internet “death” hoax
The Internet hoax is just another in a long line of celebrity deaths falsely reported over the years. However, the result can be cause for great concern, particularly to beer league hockey teams. “I’m a huge Seinfeld fan,” explained GM Mark Woods.
Deflated by the initial report, Hopslam scrambled for a goalie, pressing Steve Gorham into duty. Gorham play well, but the team was generally flat, dropping the game 1-5 in a lackluster effort. “I stopped the hard ones, and gave up the easy ones,” said Gorham, who admitted that “shots from the point” tend to be problematic for the goaltender.
The team expressed relief once news came in that Phillion was merely involved in a “fender bender,” reporting on Facebook that he needed “about 5 gallons of Neosporin and a Band-Aid big enough to cover the front end of a GMC Sierra.”
At last report, Phillion is recovering from a sprained beard, but hopes to make it back for Tuesday’s game against Cubs AC. “He who sacrifices his beard for a woman deserves neither,” said a cryptic Phillion.