ANN ARBOR– Sports writer “Billie” Wontbee-Puttinout allegedly told editors “not tonight” in regard to reporting Ruination’s 7-3 win over Goon Squad Tuesday night due to mild head trauma.
Editors sulk as Wontbee-Puttinout refuses to give the weekly sports report
“I have a headache,” Wontbee-Puttinout stated, rubbing her temples.
Negotiations turned from disbelief to cajoling, noting that she would enjoy stating that Andrew Thompson scored two goals, while Brian Lefevre added two assists. Wontbee-Puttinout, however, remained adamant, stating that the headache was due to complications from punctuation, noting a potential “missed period” from a previous report.
Editors tried making demands for the report, insisting she note Mike Podisad’s goal, assist, and penalty (the so-called Gordie Howe hat trick), but Wontbee-Puttinout angry retorted that readers already know the relevant information. “Know means know!” she hissed.
Editors finally tried begging that she at least note that Sean McGrath chipped in a goal and an assist, but she remained adamant, promising to give a report when she was “in the mood,” noting that reports “don’t just happen when you want them to.”
At last report, editors decided to take matters into their own hands, providing the report themselves.