ANN ARBOR– Sources close to the team confirmed that center Scott Coates tested positive for tardiness Wednesday, resulting in an immediate one-game suspension in Hopslam’s 5-1 win over Sasquatch. “Scott’s a good player and knows better than that,” said Hopslam spokesperson Sayit Doan-Sprayit.
Coates plans to use rooster sound followed by the guitar riff, and finally the dreaded “alert” sound to avoid tardiness
Known in the slug-culture as a “party-tardy” problem, Coates initially tried to deny responsibility, claiming to have not received the email update.
“We went through that way back with Jeff (Phillion),” said GM Mark Woods. “But to do anything other than acknowledge the problem is essentially enabling.”
Coates arrived at the end of the second period, and was suspended for the remainder of the game. Coates watched as John Vella and Andrew Thompson each finished with 2 goals, while Matt Schaefer added a goal and an assist. Shawn Lopez and Nate Greenman added assists.
Coates noted that he was very “disappointed” not get his period.
Teammates, however, noted that it seemed as though “he’s had his period a long time ago,” and often over “who will take the beer cooler.”