REDFORD– Following the 2-3 loss Sunday night to North Coast, defenseman Mark Woods discovered that 424,999 of the 425,000 homes have had power restored following the strong storm that surged through Southeastern Michigan Friday evening. His home, it would seem, is the last home to receive power, slated to be turned on this Thursday.
Woods reading about the weekend’s football highlights written down by scribes from the ESPN monastery
“I love it,” said Woods, who finished with a goal. “It’s like living in the 19th century, except I get to bathe regularly.”
Scott Bray, who opened the scoring mid-way through the second period, noted that his home had not lost power. Defenseman Jeff Price said his Canton home never lost power. “The only time we’ve ever lost power was back in 2003,” he noted, speaking of the power outage that affect most of the Mid-west and Atlantic states.
DTE officials admitted that Woods’ home was not to receive power until “traffic lights, businesses, everybody else’s homes, and trailer parks” were first restored. “We could totally flip the switch, but why provide goods and services when we, as a monopoly, have absolutely no incentive whatsoever to do so.”
Officials added that they preferred spending their time booking bands popular in the 70s and 80s to DTE Energy Center, formerly known as Pine Knob.
“How am I supposed to gripe about not having time to read without my TV on and distracting me?” asked Woods, bitterly.
A teammate suggested that he will have to do so in the dark, or else by candle light.