ANN ARBOR– Following Ruination’s 5-3 win over the Yaks B Monday night, experts and witnesses were at a loss to explain the mysterious fifth goal allegedly scored by forward Mark Woods. “That went in?” he asked opposing players after the whistle.
Woods’ goal took a circuitous route, according to conflicting testimony
An investigation was immediately commissioned by league president Abedon B. Johnson. The 889-page report produced mixed results with witnesses calling the shot ” a snipe,” according to defenseman Jordan Swift (2 goals, assist), an “off-speed pitch,” as noted by Yak Tyler Jarosz, and characterized as having a floating “arc” as witnessed by Austin Feeney.
However, witnesses could not agree where the shot entered. According to Feeney, the shot dropped over the goalie’s shoulder, while netminder Jeff Phillion claimed the puck hit the goalie’s stick. “He never saw it,” claimed Phillion.
Piecing together the testimony, attorney Jim Garrison concluded that the puck “traveled past the opposing player, over the goalie’s shoulder, pausing for exactly 2 seconds, then weaving downward, dropping to the ice and bouncing up and through the so-called five-hole despite the stick firmly and fundamentally placed in front to cover the exposed area.”
Many in the media have dubbed this the “magic puck” theory. The league president has sealed the video, however, and will not have it released until someone asks, essentially burying the evidence forever. Shawn Lopez and Dexter Benda also added scores in the win.