Bears Slowly Lulled into B-League

ANN ARBOR– The Black Bears topped Ashley’s Ruination 3-1 Monday night, pushing their B-League record to 4-1 in what appears to be a carefully laid trap set by league director Abe Colwell. “Yes, yes, it’s all coming together nicely,” he smiled while sitting in his ultra-plush leather chair, staring out of the high rise building while petting his Russian Blue cat purring in his lap.

The plan, as seemingly worked to perfection against Ashley’s Ruination back in 2014 includes scheduling the C-League super power to a bevy of what appear to be B-League games. The team in question (here, the Black Bears), win or tie the majority of the games, and unwittingly seal their fate by being forced to join the league, wherein they discover a far more competitive set of teams.

When asked about the allegations, Colwell simply smiled. “Henderson, please show the gentleman to the door,” said Colwell in a cordial tone. “The door” included a punch to the stomach, several kicks, loss of consciousness, and an awakening in a corn field just outside of Ann Arbor’s Ice Cube.