DETROIT– Excitement filled the air following Aventinus’s 2-4 loss to the Wu Tang Killer Bees Wednesday night when it was announced that defenseman Mark Woods was given an official invitation to join the prestigious club league playing out of Joe Louis Arena. “At first, I was happy when I thought it was the Red Wings asking me to play, but imagine my excitement when I heard it was the BRGD!” exclaimed a flushed and excited Woods.
The Boys Rule Girl Drool club team is the hope of many a young man dreaming of excellence at the highest levels. From throwing rocks to hitting books out of the hands of unsuspecting young ladies, boys of all ages hope to pass the grueling initiation process (sometimes spanning decades) before receiving an invitation to join. “You hear it said on the playground, and you just to hope to one day be worthy,” said an awestruck and humbled Woods. “You put your time in touching a stick to dead birds and chasing girls with it, just waiting and praying.”
“But when you actually get there… it’s just overwhelming,” added Woods.
Boys Rule has been operating for years, perhaps centuries, as the group traces its lineage back as far as the Middle Ages (re: Bairns Ruleth Wee Lasses Drooleth), and has dedicated its efforts to battling for gender supremacy and against cooties.
Woods joins fellow newcomer Chris Sutton in the annual celebratory hockey scrimmage at The Joe Friday afternoon. Long time member and sponsor to Woods and Sutton, Tom Colis will join the group for the scrimmage. “We’d invite you, Ginny,” said Colis to Aventinus teammate Ginny Klinesteker. “But, you know. It’s only guys.” Colis then honked his horn four times before driving off, the symbolic battle cry “Boys rule! Girls drool!”
Jeff Phillion scored both goals for Aventinus, and remains hopeful of receiving an invitation soon. Sources say that he will most likely need to “shave the hipster beard” before that can happen.