Hopslam Tie Blamed on Multi-Tasking

ANN ARBOR– Hopslam stumbled a bit Tuesday night, giving up a third period 2-goal lead to finish with a 4-4 tie with the Ice Dogs. In the post-game analysis, GM Mark Woods cited recent studies indicating that multi-tasking and the reduction of productivity ultimately led to the outcome of the game.

“According to Braun et al in a 2015 study, the German researchers reporting in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences showed that keeping a sequence of numbers and finding the corresponding button to press, or multi-tasking, led to decreased productivity,” said Woods. “So clearly, asking the team to skate forward and backward, stop, go, back check, shift quickly, and play good positioning is kind of a recipe for disaster.”

Added Woods: “Plus all the holiday turkey that Bob (Brock) didn’t get to eat on account of his hunger strike, and I’m amazed we had the energy to even lace up.”

A quick Google search showed that the only two things that were accurately reported were the fact that Hopslam did finish in a tied game, and incredibly the multi-tasking study Woods referenced exists.

Sauces close to Brock indicate that he did, in fact, enjoy much turkey and gravy on Thanksgiving, and several days following.

Brock finished with a goal, as did Nick Lamb, Chris Sutton, and Ryan Williams. Lauren Lobert, Scott Coates, and Greg Povenski each had two assists.