Aven-Tie-Nus

Aventinus (1-1-1) proved again that stingy defense is the cure for any offensive issues, tying up D2 Yaks 0-0 late Wednesday night. The defense was a true team effort, as wingers Les Withrow and Dave Ferguson were pressed into defensive duty.

“Dave was speedy tonight,” sources said.

The team held off a late rush after Withrow received a roughing penalty with only minutes left in the game. Goaltender Jeff Phillion played a strong in net, despite expressing some doubts prior to the game. “My lateral movement isn’t where I want it yet,” he noted.

The team celebrated with beer in the locker room. Undisclosed members– unhappy with the game’s result– refused to drink in celebration, preferring to console themselves by drinking beer.

GM Mark Woods noted that an on-ice captain will be named soon. “It really comes down to this: Who is willing to do what it takes to lead this team? My guess is someone with about a thousand– maybe two thousand bucks.”

“Cash,” added Woods.