Woods Opts Out of Ashley’s Team Building Event

Tubing violence shown here as Greenpeace tubers clashed with Susan G. Komen supporters in the Tube-ilation War of 2014, preserved ironically on YouTube.

ANN ARBOR– Stating that the Ashley’s team-building event “smacks of too much effort,” defenseman Mark Woods opted out of the Ashley’s Annual Family Fun & River Tubing set for Saturday afternoon.

“It’s great fun for everyone, and really teaches you how to float along down the river,” said event coordinator Chris Sutton. “It’s kinda a metaphor for life, really.”

Sutton was noticeably confused by Woods’s claim of tubing as too much work, reiterating the “floating” aspect of the event.

“Plus,” added event planner Ricky Winowiecki and 80s aficionado, “it’s totally tubular!”

“Dude!” added Winowiecki.

Woods, however, remained adamant on his stance. “I was referring to the drive over to the (Huron) river, the whole getting out of the car… even just putting on shorts, sun block… it’s just too much!”