Category: General

General news pertaining to the players, teams, the league, or even hockey in general

Winowiecki Amygdala Completely Healed

ANN ARBOR– After intensive rehabilitation over the last year, forward Ricky Winowiecki has made “a full recovery,” as evidenced by his play in Ruination’s 4-3 semi-final win over Bull Schlitz Tuesday night. “We were all worried he wouldn’t be able…

Colwell on D1: ‘No Sutton Moves’

ANN ARBOR– Following Hopslam’s 2-4 loss to Puckings in their Quarterfinal match-up, league director Abe Colwell announced that forward Chris Sutton was “banned for life,” from the D1 league, citing a variety of allegations, including ankle-breaking, stealing, and clothes laundering.¬†…

Ruination Wins Tenth Championship

ANN ARBOR- Ashley’s Ruination secured its tenth championship Wednesday after beating the Depot Town Stags 5-1 and completing the 2-0 sweep. Scoring was spread evenly as forwards Tom Angers, Aaron Renberg, Nick Drabicki, Brian Lefevre, and Kyle Jennings each had…

Woods Opts Out of Ashley’s Team Building Event

ANN ARBOR– Stating that the Ashley’s team-building event “smacks of too much effort,” defenseman Mark Woods opted out of the Ashley’s Annual Family Fun & River Tubing set for Saturday afternoon. “It’s great fun for everyone, and really teaches you…

Wild Bill McDermott Avenged

BANGTOWN– Following a 5-3 shootout at the Ice Cube Corral Saturday night with the Liebherr gang, friends and kin of William “Wild Bill” McDermott claimed to have “avenged” the loss of their comrade in arms. Known informally as the Sutton…

Super Villain Laments Falling Out of Spotlight

GULFPORT– Cyrus Gold, once more popularly known as Solomon Grundy (purportedly born on a Monday), lamented recently the noticeable lack of star power over the years. “Solomon Grundy used to be somebody,” Grundy stated with his noted Southern accent. “Now,…