Category: General

General news pertaining to the players, teams, the league, or even hockey in general

Loss Leads to Debate Over Cereal, Vitamins

ANN ARBOR– A 4-5 loss Tuesday to the Ice Men led Hopslam players to discuss late into the evening what exactly was advertised in cereal ads, specifically the “essential vitamins and minerals.” The disagreement began when forward Nic Schultz noted…

Ruination: Brian Can Handle It

ANN ARBOR– In an incredible show of confidence, GM Mark Woods announced that forward Brian Lefevre, currently listed as the only player planning to skate in Saturday’s upcoming game against the Yaks, has “totally got this.” Said Woods: “He’s fast.…

Johnson Grills Brats

ANN ARBOR– Defenseman Brad Johnson announced his early retirement from hockey amid the disappointment following Hopslam’s 2-3 loss Saturday night to Yaks D1 and their second straight loss, something that has not happened since the Winter 2021 season. “I’m going…

Ruination Does Just Fine

ANN ARBOR– Ashley’s Ruination did just fine without defensemen Mark Woods (or any defensemen) Saturday in its 9-2 victory over the Side Biscuit Spicy Boys Saturday. “It just shows a good defense is a good offense,” said forward-turned-defenseman Andrew Thompson.…

Hopslam, Ruination Need More Shots

ANN ARBOR– Following President Biden’s speech excoriating the 80 million unvaccinated in the United States, Hopslam and Ruination did little to alleviate the situation when it was discovered that Hopslam failed to administer “enough shots” in their 2-6 loss to…

Schultz: Bring on Ruination!

ANN ARBOR– Following Hopslam’s 8-1 win over the Ypsi Aces late Tuesday night, forward Nic Schultz cryptically called for what seemed to be an end to economic prosperity and relative worldwide peace. “Bring on Ruination!” he exclaimed. Hopslam press secretary…

Jennings Mistakes Toronado for Tornado

ANN ARBOR– Winger Kyle Jennings wondered if Ruination’s opener with Bull Schlitz Tuesday night would be cancelled after reports of a tornado was spotted. “Are the games still on?” he asked. Although heavy rains ripped through Southeastern Michigan early Tuesday…