ANN ARBOR– Ashley’s sports reporter Asher Moore was reportedly fired from the Ashleys News Network’s sports division late Wednesday follow what editors have called an “inability to describe” following Aventinus’ 7-6 win over Mott FK.
“It’s almost as if he watch parts of the game, and then tried to describe it years later,” said chief editor Ed Chief.
Added Chief: “I blame the Snap Chat.”
Excerpts from Moore’s unpublished write-up of the game indeed seemed to be a series of reactions to plays rather than descriptions:
“Oh man! Score! What a pass! Um, I think it was number 17. And, they are like, whoa! The other team is making an epic comeback… but, score! And, goal!”
The article was also peppered with “emojis,” including several thumbs-up, a heart, a hockey stick, two smiley faces, and inexplicably, a kitten face.
Calling this a typical article submission, Chief finally felt inclined to release Moore. “It’s just a complete lack of exposition,”he noted.
When asked, Moore declined to comment but said that he did not, in fact, know what “exposition even means.”
At last report Moore has been hired as the director of Strategic Learning Initiatives based in Chicago, where he plans to “rock education out.”