ANN ARBOR– Top brass around the league are buzzing over the job interim head coach John Vella, Jr. did Saturday night , as Ruination beat the Yaks C team 4-2 with only six players. “4-2 win with 6 skaters plus Vella Jr. coaching from the bench,” said defenseman Eric Larson, flushed with excitement. “It doesn’t get any better than that!”
Winger Eric Oppitz praised Vella’s game plan of limiting opportunities for Yaks star and former Ruination defenseman Austin Feeney. “He (Feeney) had a couple of good shots but we held held him to zero points,” said Oppitz. “Vella Jr. is one Vella-va coach!”
“Get it?” asked Oppitz. “I didn’t want to use a swear in front of the kid.”
Vella Jr., otherwise known as “Connor” to friends, family, State and Federal governments, was a bit nonplussed by the attention. “I may be only seven years old, and I don’t exactly know what ‘nonplussed’ means, but I bet you most of the rest of the team doesn’t either. But I do understand that when you only have six players, you have to understand resource management.”
Added Vella Jr.: “It’s basic economics– that is, the allocation of scarce resources that have alternative uses. That’s how you power nations and win hockey games.”
Vella Jr. then turned back to his friends and resumed their game of ‘girls chase boys’ at the elementary playground where he currently attends.
Ruination officials said they weren’t sure what that meant, but promised to read Thomas Sowell’s fifth edition of Basic Economics: A Common Sense Guide to the Economy to glean whatever stratagems Vella Jr. took from Sowell’s treatise on economics.