ANN ARBOR–Following Ruination’s 1-9 loss to once bitter rival the Yaks, defenseman Mark Woods concluded that Thursdays were no longer his “favorite day of the week.”
The comments come after Ashley’s suffered its second consecutive Thursday loss. Ruination has been outscored 4-19 in the two games (both notably teams from a higher league). Said Woods: “Instead of thinking ‘Hey, I get to wear jeans to work tomorrow,’ I have to think about how much I apparently suck as a defenseman.”
Showing his age, Woods also added that Thursdays “used to be about Must See TV,” in reference to NBC’s Thursday night prime-time line-up of comedy programs. “Cosby Show, Family Ties, Cheers, and Night Court. Power television, baby. That was a Thursday night you could sink your teeth into,” he noted.
Added Woods: “Then Friends… and Seinfeld! And I think Simpsons used to be on Thursdays for awhile, which pretty much killed the Cosby Show.”
Woods found himself lost in thought, muttering about former President Ronald Reagan “always interrupting the Cosby Show with a presidential something or other,” how “Go On” starring Matthew Perry was really just a rehash of Judd Hirsch’s “Dear John” and probably deserved to be cancelled, and how sad he was that “The Office” series ended (this past May).
Woods also cited how the DVR eroded the anticipation of new programming set to a specific day. “You used to race home to catch a new episode. Now, you record it and watch it like five months later… if at all!”
Woods suggested he may skip Thursday night games moving forward, citing a need to catch up on the “seven or so” episodes of “New Girl” starring Zoey Deschanel. “I don’t like it when my DVR starts to get full, so I really need to keep up on that.”
Sources close to the team suggested Woods “watches way too much TV,” noting that he would be better served watching YouTube posts on a smartphone “like normal people do.” It was later confirmed that “sources close to the team” are clearly in their early twenties.