ANN ARBOR–With only seven skaters on Olympic ice, the Bears simply pooped out as Ashley’s Aventinus wiped them up 5-2 to move above .500 once again. Defenseman Mark Woods attributed the win to good “moral fiber.”
“Plus, they played like crap,” said Woods. “But, you know what they say. If no one was there to see it, did it really happen?”
Woods was referring to the philosophic question of whether or not a tree falling makes a sound if no one is around. “Whatever,” said Woods.
Referees Jack Wallace and M. Pakorney were around to see Chris Sutton score two goals, however. Other witnesses noticed Scott Bray, Steven Golombisky, and Joe Crossno also pitch in with goals of their own.
Asked to assess the game, GM Mark Woods said the team held nothing back. “What did we do? Key plays in key moments.” Woods then excused himself, stating that he needed to take his children to their swimming lessons. The statement is confusing, as Woods has no children and… oh! I get it!
Gross.