ANN ARBOR–Goaltender Paul Sholtis can now breathe a sigh of relief, as he joins the ranks of the select few who can say they’ve beaten Goon Squad. Ashley’s Ruination dominated their arch rivals 6-3 in their first meeting since the Spring championship game over a month ago.
Wingers John Vella and Matt Schaefer each had two goals, while Derek Johnson and Jon Roklen– back after a brief contract dispute that led him to sign with the Israeli Hockey League (IHL) reportedly for 40 days and 40 nights (with a “rainy day” opt out clause)– also scored. Defenseman Sean Ahlquist added two assists.
Prior to the game, the anticipation of a grudge match was echoed throughout the week. “They’ll be gunning for us,” warned veteran defenseman Mark Woods.
However, only Squader Adam Skiff brought the ammunition, finishing with two goals despite being harassed nearly the entire game. Several players tried to live up to the “goon” status, including winger Lindsay Pipkin, who was not flagged for an illegal chop block on offensive lineman Scott Frederick.
Fortunately, the team managed to convert the first down and no knees were injured on the play.
“You’ve given up on any pretense of game recaps, haven’t you?” asked netminder Rusty Barron. “You’re just using the website as an audition to write for the Daily Show or Colbert.”
To date, neither the Daily Show nor The Colbert Report has taken notice, guaranteeing that dozens of fans will continue to avoid work for several more minutes for as long as GoDaddy.com gets their money for hosting the site.