ANN ARBOR–Following the recommendation of board director Sean Payeur, Ashley’s Sporting News (ASN) opted to feature a “Page Three” glamour model, similarly to famed British tabloid The Sun, which has featured topless models on their paper’s third page since 1970. However, the subscription service that provides the pictures proved more expensive than originally budgeted.
“If you go with our gold package, we can guarantee no scars, tattoos, or gunshot wounds on the buttocks,” said Page Three Entertainment, LLC director Candice Strepper. “We also offer silver, bronze, and nickel packages.”
Added Strepper: “We’re running out of precious metal packages after that, though.”
After several more options were made available, ASN officials chose the “aluminum foil” package:
Glamour at its finest
“Finally!” said editor-in-chief Mark Woods. “A touch of class!”
When asked about the glamour shots following Ruination’s 6-1 win over Thompson’s Pizza, defenseman Al Juback said, “I’d better get my name in the article!”
A forthcoming calendar featuring the models has since been cancelled.