ANN ARBOR– Hopslam dominated an aging Cubs AC team late Tuesday night to claw its way above .500 with a 7-1 win. Scott Coates and Ricky Winowiecki each had two goals, while Chris Sutton added a goal and four assists in the victory. When asked the secret to the win streak, Woods attributed it to “beer.”
The evidence makes this apparent. Forward Don Restauri fell several times in his first shift, prompting referee Mike Jaske to ask, “Is he drunk?”
“I’m pretty sure he has a bad edge (on his skate),” responded defenseman Mark Woods.
Restauri admitted that his skates were bad, having not received a sharpening in the past six games. “I haven’t had them sharpened in the past eight games,” said Restauri following the game. He later stated in the parking lot that he hadn’t had a sharpening in the last 12 games.
Sources close to the team noted that the number increased in lock step to the number of beers Restauri consumed prior to and following the game.
“Six beers and he’s stumbling?” asked Coates in surprise. “I had six before the game! That’s dinner!”
“I had six and slammed one more before the game,” added Mike Leighton.
Not to be outdone, Woods claimed to have had eight bottles of beers– reportedly taken down from the wall and passed around, and having not sharpened his skates in “eleventeen” games. When pressed, Woods admitted that by “bottles of beer,” he meant cafe mocha from Starbucks, and by “eight” he meant “one.”
And, by “Starbucks,” he meant “Barnes & Noble.”
When informed that “eleventeen” is not an actual number, he simply asked if he “looked like a mathemagician or something.”