REDFORD– Defenseman Mark Woods rolled into his driveway in the early hours of Monday night in anticipation of eating a full plate of delicious Thanksgiving leftovers following an exhausting 2-2 tie with Ashley’s Aventinus rival Leafs late Sunday night. “I love that last plate of stuffing and turkey,” Woods said in anticipation at the press conference.
All that’s left of Woods’s Thanksgiving meal courtesy of The Nibbler
However, his enjoyment was diminished upon discovering that he was the victim of whom the media have dubbed “The Nibbler,” with only remnants of his meal left in the cold container.
“Really?” asked Woods in exasperation.
According to forensic reports, only a “spoonful” of cranberry sauce was left, with perhaps “two bites” of corn-cake (a sweet cornbread dish). “Who could have done this?” asked Woods.
“I think (he) ate some and then took the picture,” said winger Ginny Klinesteker, with a small green seasoning spice coincidentally stuck between her teeth.
Woods also noticed that his holiday cookies have been reduced by a “significant” amount. “I can honestly say that I have not eaten one cookie,” said Woods. “Yet, there are only maybe two left.”
“Curious,” said Woods, lost in thought.
Police have declined to comment on any specifics regarding the case. “Whoever she is, she couldn’t have gone far, though,” police said. “That’s a lot of carbs to ingest. She’s probably sleeping on the couch, wrapped in a fleece chili-pepper print blanket, listening to Christmas music on the Music Choice channels.”