Bears Now Hybernating, Hopslam Advances

ANN ARBOR– Ashley’s Hopslam earned its first playoff win Tuesday night by blanking the Bears 5-0, who grumbled and growled over the loss with 43 penalty minutes. “The refs are really putting the squeeze on us tonight,” complained Bear captain Robert Quinn.

Bears feeling (Labatt) blue following 5-0 loss to Hopslam

Bears feeling (Labatt) blue following 5-0 loss to Hopslam

“I don’t think they were malicious,” said defenseman Ricky Winowiecki, though he was reminded of the old adage that “bears will be bears.” Ben Dengiz received an interference in the first, a delay of game  early in the third, an unsportsmanlike, a check, and finally a game misconduct with under ten minutes left in the game.

While the Bears bench was too hot, their offense remained too cold, as goaltender Paul Sholtis brushed aside all attempts, including several breakaways and more than a few point blank shots. Hopslam, meanwhile, was just right, as five different players scored, including Bob Brock, Keith Kotimko, Chris Sutton, Andrew Thompson, and Al Juback.

Several players expressed shock and concern following the game, as most players have gotten accustomed to early round eliminations. “I certainly didn’t expect this,” said GM Mark Woods. “I have tickets to see Beyonce in Houston on the 10th.”

Added Woods: “She’s going vegan for the next 22 days. I bet you that wasn’t Jay-Z’s idea.”