SILVER SPRING– The National Weather Service, in a bold statement Saturday, attributed Ruination’s 2-2 tie with Depot Town Stags as “part of a larger trend that clearly points toward Global Warming.”
“With the steady rise of temperatures over the last 100 years, ice conditions have deteriorated,” said NWS meteorologist Guy Smiley. “Hence lower scoring games, and more evenly scored games.”
“You can’t argue with science,” added Smiley.
In fact, scientists have attributed the recent “polar vortex” that brought bitterly cold temperatures as far south as Florida on Global Warming. It has also been implicated in several large hurricanes that have pounded the South and Eastern portions of the United States, most notably Hurricane Katrina in 2005, which prompted activist groups to call for the University of Miami to change its name to the Miami NCAA Recruiting Violators.
“I pretty much blame Global Warming on everything, including when I tripped over the blue line (late in the first period),” said defenseman Mark Woods.
Goal scorers John Vella and Jordan Swift declined to comment, but did suggest Woods might consider a skating/skills course offered in the Spring. Woods noted that he would not be able to attend such a course because of Global Warming.