ANN ARBOR–Critics and fans alike were stunned to discover that UM Football coach Brady Hoke has been leading a secret life as New Jersey’s governor. News of this surfaced amid a recent scandal involving the governor and recent allegations that the administration orchestrated a rush-hour traffic jam (dubbed “Traffic-gate”) on the George Washington Bridge connecting New York and the New Jersey city of Fort Lee last September.
Brady Hoke orchestrates a ‘walk-a-thon’ to the Washington Bridge as NJ governor
Hoke noted that he was “embarrassed and humiliated,” stating that he never intended for things to get this far. Hoke claimed he was simply applying for a driver’s license in New jersey, “and the next thing I know, I’m the friggin’ governor.”
Wolverine fans are devastated by the events, but have noted this did explain Hoke’s less than stellar record versus rivals Michigan State (1-2) and Ohio State (1-2). Hoke then noted that he was “embarrassed and humiliated” over that, too, and also his bowl record (1-2).
Hoke announced that he had fired deputy chief of staff Bridget Anne Kelly over the Washington Bridge incident, but would re-hire her as an assistant offensive coordinator for Michigan, noting that “most politicians are pretty offensive, can I get a high five?”
Hoke noted also that “none of this would have been a big deal” had Ashley’s Hopslam won Saturday night. Hopslam fell 4-6 to the Yaks. Mike Leighton, Andrew Thompson (2), and Jim Socha all scored.