ANN ARBOR– Whispers speaking of Leftist revolution have floated around for decades in one form or another, but rumors turned to allegations Saturday after evidence linking Thompson’s Pizza forward Bob Weymouth to a subversive socialist “bowler” group dedicated to “strikes” and “sparing workers” hardships by knocking down goaltenders, seen as the so-called “pins blocking social justice.”
Propaganda poster featuring a socialist “bowler” encouraged to knock down helpless goalies
The incident leading to the allegations happened in the midst of Ruination’s 5-1 win over Thompson’s that featured goals from Brian Lefevre, Jon Molnar (2), Shawn Lopez, and Ricky Winowiecki. During the game, Weymouth allegedly made “no attempt to stop,” according to witnesses, colliding with netminder Paul Sholtis following a routine stop.
“I had the puck in my glove for a few seconds and took another stride or two and he blew me up!” explained Sholtis.
Weymouth and others in the league have had a history of “bowling” into players. In the most tragic case– known today as the “events of 7-10,” eight players were knocked down followed by a teammate accidentally knocking down his own player after suffering a hit.
“That is exactly what I don’t want to see here ,” stated league director Abe Colwell.
Investigation of Weymouth’s premises revealed literature calling all “comrades to join in groups of four,” dedicate themselves to “shooting turkeys” (presumably a derogatory term for capitalist non-bowlers), and “remember the 300!” (a reference thought to speak of the 300 Spartan soldiers at the battle of Thermopylae, who held off the Persian army for three days despite being largely outnumbered).
Weymouth was not available for questioning after police reported seeing him fleeing via a local alley. “I guess he had to split,” Officer John “Colonial” Lane stated.