ANN ARBOR– Corporations often entice potential hires with some form of “matching funds” 401(k) retirement plan. In an effort to remain contemporary, the D2 League has opted to begin a “matching pucks” option, as evidenced by the recent spat of ties, including Aventinus’s 3-3 final Sunday.
What are your goals, and will your league match them?
“We boast 100% matching,” said league director Abe Colwell. “You score a goal, and we’ll add a goal.”
Some analysts have responded positively to the plan, noting the policy “encourages more goals, better planning.” However, some critics have noted that while the results leave teams with the distinction of remaining unbeaten, there are no clear winners.
“This has a socialist redistribution of wealth feel to it,” said local Libertarian and curmudgeon Mark Woods. “Leave the ties for fancy restaurants and communists!”
“And that goes double for Family Ties!” yelled Woods, referring to the old television sitcom from the mid-1980s.
Confusing comments aside, Nate Greenman managed a goal and two assists, while Scott Bray added two goals, while Chris Boulter and Ed Boucher each had two assists. Shawn Lopez earned a shutout, but because of the new policy had three goals credited against him.
Lopez lamented the result, openly wondering why he left the Super Secret Goalie Convention early just to have a shutout taken away from him. He noted that having the result credited to goalie Ryan Bidwell made it a little easier to take.
Pundits agreed that the policy seems “tepid,” the result of embattled leadership. “What we need is a real man like Hillary in the office,” noted a pollster.