WASHINGTON– In a move paralleling its announcement regarding the Washington Redskins NFL franchise, the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office has threatened Ashley’s Ruination, claiming that the team is “disparaging to women named Ashley” following its 4-3 win over Mott.
“Somewhere in America, England, or Ireland, there’s an Ashley out there who feels belittled, used even,” said Director Ashley Patent. “Maybe he never calls after a magical evening and leaves her wondering what she did wrong to deserve this.”
“They have to pay for such crimes,” added Patent.
Though denied vehemently by Patent, rumors continue to swirl that an alleged relationship with a team member may be at the root of the decision to cancel Ashley’s trademark. Team members who may have been involved with Patent include: Ricky Winowiecki (goal, assist), Matt Schaefer (goal, assist), John Vella (goal), or defenseman Mark Woods (2 assists).
Teammates were initially excited by the news until they were informed that the team’s “trademark” talks did not involve releasing Woods from the team.