ZELA– Scott Coates was like a surly Roman general Saturday night, though the outcome against the Germanic horde known as Sasquatch was not the same as history records for one Julius Caeser (who admittedly was fighting Persians in Turkey around 46 B.C.). Arriving late, but with much needed supplies (that is, locker room beer), Coates dropped in two goals and an assist, but it was not enough as the team fell 3-4 in overtime.
Coates pictured prior to the game, with hair in contemporary “fig leaf do.” Hair product most likely Dep used to achieve effect.
Hopslam started with just six players before Coates came into the game, riding in on a chariot of fire and Icehouse. The fire was reportedly due to a faulty battery in his 2004 Ford Explorer, while the Icehouse beer was carefully finished in the parking lot, leaving only Labatt Blue Light available for post-game consumption.
The team found itself down two goals in the second period before Jeff Meden arrived to help. Encouraged, Hopslam fought back to tie in the third and take the lead with just five minutes to go. However, with less than two minutes, Sasquatch evened the score.
Bob Brock had a chance to win the game when Sasquatch goaltender Colby Parks misplayed the puck, leaving Brock with an open net. Brock, who later reminisced about his days as a Florida State place kicker, shot the puck wide, essentially “stabbing” Coates in the heart or back. Sources claim Coates whispered “Et tu, Bobby?” though it is not confirmed.
And, with just 0:05 left in the overtime frame, Sasquatch scored again to move to the next round, knocking out Hopslam from playoff competition.
While most of the team, including Andrew Thompson (goal), Chris Sutton (assist), and Steve Gorham (assist) stood in disbelief, Coates agreed that the team had in fact, lost. “He came, he saw, he concurred,” noted GM Mark Woods.