ANN ARBOR– The 0-5 loss to the Leafs Wednesday night was a bitter pill for Ashley’s Aventinus to swallow, but forward Ken Coleman took it in stride. When asked what his secret to handling situations with such aplomb, Coleman revealed that old age and beer serve as lord and master over his emotions.
Coleman looks forward to reaching this point (above) in his life, where comfort and apathy happily meet
“It’s great,” said Coleman about getting old while having his third beer of the evening. “Nobody expects anything of you and you just stop caring.”
“Except for the whole deteriorating and dying part, it’s great,” reiterated Coleman.
Coleman regaled teammates with several tales illustrating his growing apathy toward social norms, which proved helpful not only through tough playoff losses that featured only penalties for Ashley’s, but also in the realm of parenting. “My boy kicked me right in the (bleep),” said Coleman between hiccups, referring to his backside. “He just came up and kicked me in my (bleep).”
When asked if the child was severely disciplined, Coleman merely shrugged and said that, again thanks to beer and aging, he was merely “confused.”
Coleman added that at age 58, life keeps getting better. He noted that he was looking forward to getting to the point where he could pass gas in front of younger women without caring, estimating that he should be there within the next five years.
Social anthropologist and teammate Tom Colis was not available for comment, but most likely would have found the evening “most entertaining.”