ANN ARBOR– Ashley’s Hopslam voted against independence Wednesday, following their Tuesday night win over St. Anky Beer. In a 4-3 vote, the team decided to remain a part of Ashley’s franchise, along with Ruination, Aventinus, and Bud Light Lime, the as yet unformed B-league team.
Artist rendering of Scott Coates complaining about pretty much everything
“Like dozens of other people, I am delighted,” said league director Abe Colwell.
The referendum was watched closely by teams and players throughout the league, particularly the Ice Catalonias, a small team from the Spanish district in Ann Arbor.
“I think they might have won enough votes if they had brought more campaign funds,” said political analyst Tony ‘Tuny’ Heinz-Aight. It was later admitted that the campaign for independence fell about $250 short. Insiders claim forward Scott Coates reportedly balked when campaign funds were collected, but still managed to drink beer, lay some sort of claim to it, and cast a vote. His conflicting and antagonistic attitude prompted many to ask of the result of “Scott’s vote.”
David Branch and David Gaydos each had two goals in the win over St. Anky Beer.