ANN ARBOR– Despite vehement denials to being a “coffee-house hipster,” defenseman Sean Payeur was spotted at the very trendy Babo Market on Washington Street in downtown Ann Arbor following Ruination’s 9-1 win over Black Ops Tuesday night. Despite his gruff exterior, assist, and 13 penalty minutes, Payeur managed to sport an eclectic ensemble that included a beret, flannel shirt rolled carefully past the elbow, “skinny” jeans, and flip flop sandals as he browsed over fresh cut herbs while sipping a latte.
Friends of Payeur and fellow hipsters serve coffee with a mixture of pride, detachment, and disdain.
The revelation comes in stark contrast to comments made earlier in the evening. “I know a lot of people in Ann Arbor like to go to places like Panera Bread, but not me,” Payeur had stated in the locker room prior to the game. The comment, however, only served to spark suspicion among teammates, as non-hipsters– generally called “people”– typically refer to the chain restaurant as simply “Panera.”
“I like that you refer to it by its full name ‘Panera Bread,'” noted defenseman Jason Spence (2 assists). The slight gaff noticeably rattled Payeur, who then began to loudly criticize teammates, including Jon Roklen, who had 3 goals and an assist. “Thanks for passing it to me!” he yelled sarcastically to Andrew Thompson (2 goals, assist). Among others receiving verbal abuse included: John Vella (2 goals, assist) and Tim Bredernitz (goal, 2 assists).
Confident he had deflected attention away from himself, Payeur dressed and left the rink. However, upon being discovered at the hipster hangout, he immediately tore off his hat, knocked the hemp shopping bag from an older woman’s hands, and shoved anyone within arms length, all while shouting a stream of obscenities. He did, however, continue sipping his coffee as he left the premises.
“Pay-man is jes’ cool like that,” said a fellow hipster. “He jives to the beat of his own drum.”
The hipster added that the two will likely meet up at Panera Bread tomorrow to order soup and sandwiches “ironically, of course” and to discuss all matters regarding Steampunk.