HOPSLAM– Hopslam defeated the first place Ice Men 5-2 Saturday night, thanks in large part to the off-speed shot from Mark Woods mid-way through the first period. “I really knocked the crap out of that one,” said Woods. The shot was clocked at about 3-4 mph, leaving all players confused and essentially immobile. “I thought we had entered some sort of space-time vortex where everything was in slow motion,” admitted an Ice Men player.
Chris Sutton, however, took full advantage of the confusion, taking the pass and shooting on Ice Men goaltender David Short for Hopslam’s second goal (Bob Brock opened the scoring in the first). Jim Socha added the game-winner and two assists. Andrew Thompson and Peter Girz iced the game with goals late in the third.
Dave Winn is an all around good egg, say local ducks
RUINATION– Just about everybody who showed up got a hat trick Saturday as Ruination topped Mott 11-2 in what a Mott skater referred to as a “day of sports sorrow.” Jordan Swift, Matt Schaefer, and Ricky Winowiecki each had three goals and an assist. Austin Feeney and Paul Drevnick also added a goal and an assist each.
Dave Winn received an assist and a nice compliment from the Mott team. “That guy was my physics professor. He was really good about helping students. He even wrote me a letter of recommendation.”
Winn has also been spotted serving food at the local homeless shelter and reading to patients at Children’s hospital. Though not confirmed, sources say he also brings a bag of stale bread crumbs for local ducks each week at the small lake near his house.
“Quack,” said one of the ducks under the condition of anonymity.
AVENTINUS– Using their “takesy-backsy” clause, Jeff Price, Dave Ferguson, and Amy Senne were all noticeably absent as a depleted Aventinus team had their 3-game win streak end with a 2-6 loss to Goon Squad. “I should never have agreed to that in the contract negotiations,” lamented GM Mark Woods. “I only agreed to it because adding ‘-sy’ makes it so difficult to say ‘no’ to. It’s just so darn cute when they say it!”
Woods later admitted that the derivative “-sky” has been sadly accepted in deferred payments, as Hopslam player Scott Coates has used his “owe-sky” clause successfully for… ever, really.
Scott Bray and Justin Baier each scored in the losing effort.