Statistical accuracy and general caring about anything proves an emotional challenge for most employees at MillennialStat
HOPSLAM–Ashley’s Hopslam scored like a million billion goals Saturday night, totally beating up the Ice-o-topes, as reported by MillennialStat, the new start-up company responsible for providing statistical analysis for the Ann Arbor Ice Cube leagues. The company’s policy trends toward hiring employees under the age of 25: a group noted for their ability to text quickly and with exceptionally poor grammar.
They are also known for a lack of critical thinking skills, categorizing Hopslam’s performance, Miley Cyrus, and NBC’s “The Voice” as something they are “so over.”
The actual score was rumored to be 14-1, with Pete Girz and Jeff Meden each scoring 3 goals. MillenialStat could not confirm the score or the goals, citing that they “will totally get to it later.” Sources report that “later” is a term measured in hours, days, or “whenever I finish playing PS4.”.
“Bra,” added the CEO of MillennialStat.