Barron dismayed to discover he is a (rob) zombie.
RUINATION– Ashley’s Ruination suffered its first loss of the season, falling 2-3 to the Black Bears Saturday night. Dexter Benda scored both goals for Ruination, but it proved to be not quite enough, as the Black Bears scored with just 0:10 left to win the game. In its quest for answers, Ruination officials discovered later in the week that goaltender Rusty Barron is a “zombie.”
“Members of the un-dead typically find it more difficult to with their lateral movement,” explained Dr. Hans Enpheat. “Their fast twitch muscles have also atrophied, a painful process that leaves them moving a bit more gingerly and groaning more in pain.”
The discovery came as a shock to all, including Barron. “I have too much going on… to be a zombie,” he said in exasperation.
“We will have to keep him off the ice until at least next Saturday, when Halloween is over,” said assistant trainer Neesin Towes.
Several players wondered aloud if the condition could be contagious. Forward Sean Payeur expressed fears of turning into a werewolf, but such concerns were quickly assuaged when he was informed that he was simply “hairy.”